A Job I Am Glad I Do Not Have

Much as I enjoy baseball and, in particular, Cardinals baseball, I really really would not want to be a baseball beat reporter. Here's one reason why. If, like me, you find it too painful to sit through the entirety of this video, just skip to about the last thirty seconds. The look on the guy's face at the very end is priceless.

And on a related note:
"...what LaRussa has on other pantheon managers is that he's the only one whose car keys Buzz Bissinger has tried to take after a scotch-y night at a Macaroni Grill in suburban Houston."

Also, for the record, I respect LaRussa's accomplishments, generally approve of his managerial style, and admire the good work he does for animals. Don't want to be lumped in with the LaRussa haters, of which there are plenty.

Three Quick Things

I
I know a lot of guys my age are saying this, but I can't believe I'm going to watch someone younger than me coaching in the NCAA Finals tonight.

II
Since everyone loves statistics, it's my pleasure to point out that Albert Pujols is currently batting .800 and has homered in 40% of his at-bats so far this season.

III
And finally, this non-sports-related thing (unless you consider punk rock a sport), which may have been influenced by this (both groups were Australian), but far, far surpasses it.  Harder doesn't always mean better, but in this case it does.  I won't go so far as to say that either of them outdoes the majesty of the original, however.  This (unfortunately lo-fi) live document is also pretty darn good, a very rare instance of an "all-star jam" that doesn't suck.  Nilsson's version ain't bad either.  And, if you want to throw up in your mouth, there's also this very sassy version (seriously, don't click on this if you've just eaten).

Workin' Over the American Songbook...With A Louisville Slugger

I think this is more shocking than the Dylan Christmas album (and probably not as good). Make sure to scroll down. The Amazon Customer Review Creative Writing Squad has already gotten busy on this one.

(via the Village Voice - following the link to the Deadspin-commissioned remix is recommended)

What?!? Seriously? (Another Baseball Post)

Have I become so out of touch with Cardinals baseball that I didn't know that Rick Ankiel has HIS OWN WINE?!?

(via The Will Leitch Experience)

Death On (and Adjacent To) the Diamond

This Slate article is full of very strange facts taken from what must be a very strange book about a very strange subject, death in baseball. I'll never be able to think of Manny Mota the same way again. Seriously.

Brotherhood of the Upper Lip

I'm sure this has already been covered by Deadspin and/or somebody on a Cardinals message board, but when did Rick Ankiel start taking facial hair cues from Rivers Cuomo? The "Separated at Birth" side-by-side practically Photoshops itself.

And speaking of baseball mustaches, I still need to see this movie.